Do you ever find yourself having to make a communication connection with your pilot when he’s home?
I know I do from time to time.
Throughout our marriage, I have learned the ups and downs of talking (or sharing) with him in a way that benefits both of us. I’m an early bird communicator while is Jeff is a night owl communicator.
We have two different arrivals of waking up in the morning: I’m ready to talk around 7:30 am. I have my own personal PW(pilot wife) checklist to share, whereas Jeff is not eager to speak until at least nine or ten in the morning.
We’re definitely not flying the same flight path!
Being married to a pilot, I have come to the realization that it is important to have a strategy in making the right communication connection that gets us to the same destination!
Our cup of coffee talk
Have you heard the phrase actions speak louder than words?
Because of our different communication styles, on those mornings when Jeff is home I put those actions into practice.
I will bring him a cup of coffee in a way that he won’t experience a sudden wake of turbulence. I won’t put the coffee cup on the nightstand next to the bed. No, I set it gently on the small table opposite of the bed, doing my best to create a soft landing with no bumps or spills.
Then I walk over to his side of the bed, open up the blinds to let the sunlight in and give him a morning kiss and touch and whisper good morning.
Rather than yell, “Its time to get up, so I can make the bed!” I’ve visually communicated with action and tenderness.
If you were to ask my pilot if he enjoys his cup of communication, he would say yes, because it makes him feel appreciated and loved.
The kiss, the touch, the coffee, they were all a form of connection that works for us.
It’s all in the delivery
When talking with my husband I have learned a few flight patterns to do and not to do while he is home.
In doing so, my efforts can quickly take off in an entirely different direction than planned.
1.Don’t share that you’re ready to put the kids on the next one-way flight to “Kids are driving me crazy” town, where they stay for the duration of their remaining life.
Do say, “Honey here is a glass of (your favorite drink). When you have a moment, I’d like to share with you how I wanted to open up the emergency door, slide down to safe ground, and leave all the little people that were being rude and loud.”
2. Don’t share everything that’s going on with your friends or family all at once. Especially when he first gets up the morning or works on his schedule. BIG NO, NO!
Do reach over to touch his arm or rub your fingers through his hair and ask if you can have his undivided attention as you share the bullet points about your friends and family.
(I’m confident he will enjoy taking the time to listen to you)
3. Don’t get mad if your pilot says he forgot about something you’d mentioned earlier or was not listening to what you had just said ten minutes ago.
Do make a check-list of events or something that needs his attention in the desired time frame. If you need to write it down, so he can visually see’s what is going on.
How we approach things is very important in how we communicate with our husbands. It’s critical that everything isn’t critical, less drama, facts, figures and desired outcome.
While these are just a few of the ways I’ve learned to best communicate with my husband, please know that it may not look the same for you and your pilot. We all have different shoes we wear when we talk with our pilots.
I have had my fair share of failed moments in wearing the best pair of shoes of communication. I’m sure there will be more.
Always sound cool on the radio; Smooth delivery makes for better communication
As a wife of a pilot pre-planning is essential as how we want the conversation to take off. Timing is vital in how we want to steer the direction of what it is we would like to share.
I will be first to admit there are times in my marriage where I forget how my words will affect my husband. I must be careful in how I approach my thoughts and concerns to Jeff.
While it is great to have something to say, it is also important to think about it first.
Recently, I asked other PW’s(pilot wives) to share how they handle communication when their husbands are home.
“It would never go over well for me to tell my husband what we are or are not going to do. If we disagree on something and yet he sees how important it is to me, and I’ve respectfully discussed it, he always supports me,” one wife shared.
I could relate to what she said, about respect in voicing our thoughts to each other.
When I tell Jeff about our son’s behavior or an issue with the house, and I have presented a clear reason for my decision, he has supported me. I have done the same in return.
A few other wives said that they never force their husbands to talk when he says I don’t want to talk about this right now, or if he says, I’m working on my schedule, let’s talk later.
Y’all when Jeff says that he doesn’t want talk, etc., I will find myself (at times) wanting to communicate with some shoe stomping. But I have learned to walk away with grace and try again at a better time.
“The heart of the godly thinks carefully before speaking; the mouth of the wicked overflows with evil words.” Proverbs 15-28 NLTThis verse is an excellent reminder that we should be careful with our words and how we respond with an answer. We, I, should do so in a wise and timely way. If I babble it will just cause a reaction that I did not want and was not prepared for.
It often leads to sudden relational turbulence in the form of an unwanted argument
Do we want that? I know I don’t.
Respect is like a small carry-on, easy to deal with when traveling. A trunk of frustrations and disrespect is a lot harder to handle on a daily basis.
Communication is a choice.
You and I have a choice in the shoes we put on. They can look ugly and dirty (complaining or mean) or well-taken care of and fit well (kind, respectful and loving).
I have a choice in how I wish to communicate to my husband.
There was a quote I read the other day, “People might not always tell you how they feel about you, but they will show you by the way they treat you.”
When I bring Jeff a cup of coffee in the morning, it’s telling him that I love him. I start the day with the right shoe. I enjoy that!
In those early mornings when I wake up before my husband does, it gives me time to pray, enjoy my coffee and ask God to show me ways I can better communicate with my husband as well as to be careful not to spill the coffee.
My prayer for you and for me :
Lord, help me to love my husband the way you show us, love. Give me strength and understanding each day. Give me a tender heart. A heart that doesn’t keep a record of wrongdoings. May I be wise and appropriate in a way that gives my husband the respect he deserves. In James 1:19 it is read, “You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry.” I pray that as a couple we are careful in our words and listen with thoughtfulness. I ask that we are patient and understanding of each others time. Help me to be able to communicate love to my husband. Amen.
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