Have a Favorite Place to Sit?

Have a Favorite Place to Sit _

Do you have a favorite place to sit? Your go-to chair at home or let’s be real — your favorite seat on the airplane?

A few years ago when we finally made our arrival in our new house in Houston, Texas, I asked my mom, if I could have my Nana’s chair. It’s a chair that my Nana had when she was a little girl. I bet if the chair could talk there would be amazing stories to share. It has the smell of my Nana and my mom.

I’m sure I’m not the only one that has that one place that we call ours. It’s in those seats you feel comfortable, secure, and it feels right.  Kind of like Goldie Locks finding her just right chair to sit in. “Ahhh, this chair is just right,” she sighed. 

However, when Miss Goldie settled into her chair, it broke. I can relate.

Have a Favorite Place to Sit _ (1)

Every morning you can find me sitting in my favorite chair with a warm cup of coffee and having my quiet time in my cocoon of warmth and love. Because I’ve occupied the chair so much, it’s showing some wear — the seat cushion needs more bounce, the springs are getting loose, and the floral material has slowly been fading.  It’s time for me to give it some TLC and have it recovered.

To be honest, I have avoided reupholstering it. That would mean my chair would be gone and I would have no place to sit. But when I spotted the perfect fabric and color for my chair on sale, I knew it was time for me to let go. Within a week, I’d found a trusted upholsterer and shipped my beloved chair off for a new life.

Where do I sit now?

For the past few weeks now, I’ve been without my chair. Quite frankly, I have no idea where to sit or find an area in my house where it feels right.

I told my mom, “I have no idea where to go in the morning and drink my coffee. The smell of Nana, you and the cocoon of warmth is gone.” She laughingly told me that the next time she’s at my house, she will sit in the chair and cover it with her smell.  All I can say is I’m holding her to that!

While I know this is not a first world problem, it feels like it. I don’t know where to sit! My morning routine and the predictability of sitting with my coffee has been disrupted.  I know it’s only temporary, but it feels like this void will last forever.

Time to get out of your comfort zone.

“Life is full and overwhelming with the new. But its necessary to empty out the old to make room for the new to enter.” Eileen Caddy

Letting go of our comforts isn’t easy. I’m learning that every day my chair is not here with me. As much as I crave the comfort of my favorite spot, I know that the only way to make way for the new is to let go of the old. 

We need to re-evaluate why and seek out areas where we can renew our thoughts or actions for whatever God has for us.

Recently I’ve been contemplating  ( you can read more here)-my writings, my parenting and my desire to find something that gives me belonging.

Whether it’s letting go of a particular item, an unhealthy behavior or negative thinking, removing these things allows us to open our hands and lives to the better things God has for us.

For me, I found that not only do I need to move out of my favorite seat for a while, I also need to get rid of some other things as well:

1. I will sit down at my desk to write AFTER I’ve cleaned the kitchen put a load of laundry in the washer or catch up on all the social media happenings.  But that isn’t helping me become a better writer.  I need to schedule my writing time with a red pen and commit to it.

2.Thoughts of being perfect. I tend to think that I have to be the ideal mom. The truth is I screw up, and I don’t have it all together. I’m not perfect, and neither are my kids, but thankfully God is.  He knows what’s best for us and loves us anyway.

      3. My unwillingness to change. Often it takes stepping out of our comfort zones for us to discover new things. For me, I need to embrace the new season of life I’m in whether it’s volunteering or enjoying a hobby with my pilot, if I insist on staying where I’m at, I’ll miss out on some amazing adventures.

In what ways do you need to make changes in these areas? Are there things you feel that you need to let go of to make room for your best life?

Girl, life can be full and overwhelming at times, especially when changes are involved. But don’t let those things keep you tied down. You and I were meant to fly. Sometimes though, that can only happen when we let go.

When I finally get my new chair, I know it won’t be the exact same as it was. I will  have to create my own smell, warmth, and comfort (although I’m tempted to call my mom to come to sit in it a while! )

But when I settle into it, I’ll know that whether I’m evaluating my writing, my parenting or something that gives me belonging, I’ll look at them with a new perspective.

All from a chair with a new pattern and comfort of its own.

Let’s discuss and see how we can expand on this a bit.

 

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fullsizeoutput_4b1  Take-off and Landings, Always Tiffany

When Staying Calm as a PW Matters.

staying calm (1)My daughter was two-year-old, and I’d made plans to meet my girlfriend, Melissa, for dinner. Within minutes of having drinks delivered to our table, my beautiful little girl spilled a full glass of coke and “something” all over my side of the table where the whole drink made its way to my pants and the seat I was in.

So what did I do?

I immediately grabbed a few napkins and moved my daughter out of range of the spill and began cleaning up. When I finished, we were both wet and sticky from my drink. Our excellent waiter immediately brought me a new glass along with crayons and a coloring book. While my daughter entertained herself with her new toy, Melissa and I chatted, laughed, and shared our frustrations of having our then Navy husbands gone.

Despite the earlier splash adventure, we managed to enjoy the time we had together.

The next day Melissa called me and said she was impressed with my calmness and patience when Paige spilled my drink. “I don’t know how you do it, and I would’ve gone crazy and want to leave,” Melissa voiced to me. 

Say What?

Looking back on that day, all I wanted to do was run away from the restaurant and hide in a corner to question why I didn’t bring toys, even if it was just a coloring book, for my child.  A good mom would have done that.

Yes, I was seriously thinking this.

In my eyes, I had failed at keeping my child distracted so she wouldn’t spill my drink.  I was anything but calm at the moment.

I know I can be calm in a situation. But I fail on many occasions.

Can you relate?

Winging it as a Mom

staying calm

In those moments when calmness eludes me and panic sets in, all I want to do is call or text Jeff with my aggravation. ( mind you this happened 23 years ago, there was no texting or emojis) If something like that would’ve happened now, I would’ve expressed myself on the phone or texted him with those little emojis.

But aren’t we all like that?  As a mom, I will get emotional, state my reason for getting upset and look for a solution anything from grounding to something that will bring unhappy consequences.

Even today, raising two adult girls and a teenager, I’m on a wing and a prayer when it comes to motherhood and life. My take-off and landing percentage is about 50% between smooth and rocky. But in my struggles and many seasons of motherhood, I’ve learned a few things about myself:

1. Take time for yourself. Do something every day for you. When my child spills a drink, or my teenager acts out, it’s then when I go hide in my bathroom or go outside, breathe, and remind myself that this too will pass.

2. Do your best. Try not to nag yourself with thoughts of “I messed up.” I’ll give all my best in this season of my life.  I also look to others for help and support because I’ve learned my best isn’t necessarily a solo job.

3. Laugh. Laugh at those spills, those arguments. I’m not perfect, and I make mistakes. There are days where I want to cry and be mad.  In the end, all that stuff eventually works its self out.

I’m glad I’ve learned these things about myself as I’m constantly putting them into action. Just last week, I  got upset with my son, raised my voice and threw a shoe. Don’t worry I didn’t throw anything at my teenager, but oh boy, I wanted to! It was about respect, homework, and boundaries. All the big issues that are at the forefront of raising a teenager.  I was anything but calm! ( Melissa are you reading this?)

When my rage passed, – a couple hours later- I used these things I learned of walking away, telling myself I’m not perfect in the way I reacted, and eventually laughed to calm myself down.

Packed with Expectations

Although there are days when I’m calm, whether it was sitting in that restaurant many years ago or today, I still struggle as a mom:

  • The expectations I put on myself.
  • The comparison game I play against other mothers.
  • The guilt I carry in my less-than-calm reactions.

But to hear my friend say she didn’t see me freak-out or scream gives me hope and encouragement. That maybe, I’m not a bad mom after all.

So hang on to that. Whatever season you’re traveling in remember to carry with you a bag of grace, hope, love. You might even bring a shoe or two to throw at something, not a someone. LOL!

We all fly a plane packed with mom challenges. I’d love to know what your challenges are and if you’ve been encouraged by someone. Leave a comment and let’s start a mom conversation.

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It’s Okay To Take Care of Me

selfcare 101

“Self-care needs to be included in what you should be doing. It’s not a privilege. It is a necessity!”

Brene’Brown

A few weeks ago I posted this question to pilot wives,  What would you want to learn in a Self-care 101 class? The top answers were: to ask for help, take time for yourself and more importantly how to give yourself grace.

I had one wife share, “I would love to learn to do what I want to without worrying about how it affects everyone else. It’s hard to put myself first; I worry about my family, not getting what they need. They probably need a happier mom/wife before anything.  So complicated!”

With a husband who travels one of the most important things I can do for my family is to take time to invest in what brings me personal fulfillment. I”m not saying that I do that all the time. I don’t! But I try.

How I Failed Self-Care 101

Last week I woke up in the wee’s hours of the morning, in excruciating pain. It hurt to move my neck from side to side and l had a sharp pain under my right shoulder blade. I had no idea what I had done.  I must have had a wild dream!

When the sun was finally up, I debated calling my chiropractor.  Yes, I debated! However, after enduring a few more minutes of pain, I quickly scheduled an appointment.   After the snap, crack and pop I finally felt some relief.

At my recent appointment, Jeff was with me. After my doctor left the massage therapist came into the room to do therapy on my shoulder. She looked at me and said, “Tiffany, you need a massage, a full body massage, and I’m not taking no for an answer!” (her exact words) She went on to explain why I needed one and that there was opening right now!

So what did I do? Once again I had an internal debate:

  • No, I don’t have time.
  • Jeff is with me, and I don’t want him to wait.
  • I need to go home, I have so much to do.

Seriously, these were my thoughts racing through my head!

Finally, after a few minutes, I took a deep breath and followed my therapist to the massage table.  An hour later I felt so much better, and I walked out feeling like myself again!

When I got back home, I apologized to Jeff for staying longer than expected. He looked at me and told me that he didn’t mind waiting, especially if it made me feel better.

At that moment I learned it’s okay to take the time for myself.

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Taking Care of Myself is a Required Class

Let’s face it, we  all have struggles rather it be

  1. Communication with our spouse,
  2. The I can’t do it all feeling.
  3. Raising our kiddo’s in those sola-parent times when our husband is away from home.

In that 8-hour space that sometimes it seems we don’t have time to care for ourselves.

Is’nt in those moments that we should offer ourselves grace.

Over the years I have learned that life is so much better when I take care of myself. 

Last year a friend of mine recommended  Fringe Hours: Making Time for You by Jessica Turner. She writes-“Self-care is something we should be doing.” It’s important that we take the time to allow ourselves to do so.”

Can I get an AMEN?

Show up for Class

Now that school has started, and routines and structure have entered back into our lives, maybe we should take some time for ourselves. In fact, we should make that a habit and routine.

“If we invest in ourselves in small ways we will begin to see results.”

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If I I learned from writing this post and reading Jessica’s book, it’s that I have to be intentional with my time and take ownership of it.

For me, this means:

1. Scheduling time on my calendar to write rather than rather than trying to do it when I think I have time. (I’m sure my editor would appreciate that)

2. Reading, but not just before bed. Taking a book with me wherever I find myself waiting, instead of looking at social media.

3. Working out.  I need to stop making excuses that I don’t have  30 minutes. I do!

4. Taking the initiative to call a friend for lunch or a cup of coffee or wine.

For you, it might be entirely different. All I can say is, my PW you deserve to take the time for yourself!

That is your first assignment for Self-care 101.

(If you’d like to hear more about this great book, you can check out this podcast where Jessica shares her story.)

In what small ways can you invest in yourself?

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The 3 Items I’d Place in my Adult Backpack.

The three things in my backpackI’ve heard it said that Fall is like New Year’s for women, especially moms. New beginnings, new routine, and a return to structure have made its way back into our lives. It ’s a time to reevaluate our priorities and goals. It’s time to get back to the things we put off over the long days of summer vacation.

A few weeks ago I found myself at Target in the Back-to-School section. I had the overwhelming feeling of excitement as I walked past post-it notes, folders, pencils and pens.  Scanning the larger amounts of supplies, a certain backpack caught my attention. Before I knew it, I  was in the check-out line with this cute backpack!  

You might be thinking a backpack?

That evening while sitting on my couch with a glass of wine and my backpack I thought about what I would put in it.

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  1. Books I want to read and books yet to finish.
  2. A pretty journal to write down my thoughts, goals, and prayers.
  3. Post-it notes to remind me to take time for myself, of course with a new Sharpie.

To be a good mom, a good wife and to be the best possible me,  it’s important that I take the time to have my own backpack. One that is filled with things that bring me fulfillment and joy and peace-especially in those times I need it most.   

Cause let’s face it we all need that!

So exactly which books will I be placing in my backpack? Here’s a list of a few that I’ll be packing. (maybe a few of them will be of interest to you too! )

Non-Fiction:

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 The Fringe Hours Jessica A. Turner 

The Best YesLysa Terkeurst 

Girl Wash Your Face   Rachel Hollis

 

Fiction: Since we all have a different interest in fiction, I recommend that you read an old Classic that interest you as a child or Pick-up a best seller that you’ve heard people raving about.

Relationships:

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The 5 Love Languages- Gary Chapman

The 5 Love Languages of Kids -Gary Chapman

Boundaries  – John Townsend and Henry Cloud

 

 

 

Devotional:

100 days to Brave; Devotions for unlocking your most courageous self Annie  F. DownsIMG_0410

I admit, a few these I have only skimmed through and some I have read with a pen and highlighter in hand.

It’s been said that a well-read woman is a dangerous creature. I love that and am taking that as my homework assignment this fall. My goal is to read one of these books a month.

I don’t know about you, but I  want to be to a dangerous gal of hope, bravery, grace, love, and beauty, with a  little mystery thrown in.  The right book might just help me do that!

My PW friends, what would you put in your backpack?  Would it be books or something else? Leave a comment below. I’d love to know!

fullsizeoutput_4b1 Take-off and Landings Always, Tiffany

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